Thoughts Of A Hero
by smoshy.fever1
Summary: Link thinks on everyone in the mansion.
1. Chapter 1

Just a story of what (I think) Link thinks about the other Smashers.

* * *

Mario.

He's a really nice guy, but oh my god can he lose the accent? It sounds so forced! I suppose I shouldn't judge though, Luigi's is way worse.

I'm just glad I'm not the shortest man here. Yeah, being short has its benefits and all, but not a lot. He seems to manage it pretty well though.

I've known Mario for... I'm not even sure how long. At least twelve years, when the mansion wasn't even a mansion, but more like an apartment building. He's aged pretty well, I mean he looks the same for Christ's sake! I wish I knew his secret, I'm almost thirty!

He makes some excellent food, he gets it from Peach no doubt. I just wish he would cook more often since I'm always left with the task with women.

Mario is a wonderful fighter. Hell,you need to be to fight Bowser and his minions all the time because some (loveable) idiot can't stop getting kidnapped. I mean for Christ's sake that damn turtle still does it! He needs to get a life...

But yeah, all in all Mario is a wonderful person I wouldn't mind helping out. He's been so good to me, so I return the favor whenever possible, which isn't often unfortunately. Mario is very prideful, like a certain mercenary and special-forces agent I know, but we all know pride is the deadliest sin. Anyway, when I do get a chance to help out, I certainly do.

One more great thing about him! He's an excellent plumber, and thank god for that! The three "kings" don't know how to shit and not nearly break the pipes...

* * *

Let me know who you want next!


	2. Zelda

Zelda.

My thoughts on her? Well, I suppose you'd expect me to say something like "I'm in love with her" or "She's the best friend I'll ever have", but guess what?

She's a good friend, but certainly not my best friend. That award would go to my lover, who was my best and closest friend before our relationship bloomed. Honestly, I think Zelda a can be a rather stuck-up bitch. And I mean it. Just a prissy asshole you want to get your boyfriend to muffle and let you throw into a closet tied up and then hang her upside down and leave her there for hours...

There, I said it! And I'm not ashamed about it either. Thought this was gonna be some *shudders* Zelink stuff, huh? NOPE.

"But Link, you saved her for a reason!"

Yeah, I didn't do everything I did for Zelda. I did it because Midna needed my help and the people of Hyrule needed me because Zelda chose that state of affairs.

Not that I blame her though, she was in a tough position. Have all your people killed or put them in a land of perpetual twilight. Hm, I'm an asshole I admit, but not that much of one.

But really, I'm sick of people asking us if we're a couple or if we're in love. We're not. She's got a nice partner by her side that completes her in ways I wouldn't. So, with as much love as possible, STOP SAYING WE'RE A CUTE COUPLE!

I do owe a lot to her though. When I first got sent here I was the shyest mother fucker you'd ever find. But when she showed up she helped pop that bubble, along with a certain bounty huntress that tried hard to even penetrate that bubble, and now I'm more open and I'm friends with pretty much everyone.

She's a very respectful, beautiful woman that I do love very much though. She can be bitchy, but that is understandable because of the chaotic atmosphere this place gives off. We're not a couple or anything like that, but we are pretty good friends. Hurt her, I hurt you. Simple as that.

That is, if her partner doesn't do it for me...

Point is, if you want to hurt Zelda, run for your life.

* * *

Next will be Lucas!


	3. Lucas

I got a request to do Snake. I forgot to mention this, but he will be the last one I do. Sorry.

* * *

Lucas.

He's a really sweet kid with lots of potential. His fighting skills aren't best, but that's nothing a little tweaking couldn't help. I'm sure Ness, who has mastered their powers since the very beginning, would help his best friend out.

Lucas is extremely shy. Like, ten times worse than I was. He's a bit clumsy as well. I sure hope one day that bad trait of his vanishes, because this mansion will only grow more, which means that there will be plenty more flights of stairs and people for him to fall over.

Like I said, he's a super sweet kid. He helps me set the table each night because the R.O.B.'s decided to go on strike, those assholes...

Anyway, he's intelligent too. Always striving to learn more. I remember when Samus, who has an extremely soft spot for the little boy, spent three whole days teaching him a bunch of science. However, I think it'd be best for Lucas to learn from the smartest man around here, especially if he's into learning new languages.

However, don't ever let this little guy fool you! He's almost a master at reverse psychology and won't hesitate if Ness or Toony tries to recruit him for a stupid prank. I remember one time all three of those fuckers decided to change all of the times on the clocks, dates, and acted like they had nothing to do with it! Plus, they did on my four year anniversary!

Figures those two knuckleheads would recruit the smartest out of all three of them. I stayed mad at Toony and Ness for an entire day, but Lucas? Couldn't even last ten minutes with him.

Those are my thoughts on Lucas. I love him very much, along with everyone else, and I can't wait to teach him Hylian, something not even Toony has mastered yet.

* * *

Next will be either Ness or Wario.


	4. Ness

Ness.

One of the smartest/dumbest kids I've ever had the fortune to know. He's really funny as well. His sense of humor is rather... Sick and twisted for a kid his age. He's a few years older than Lucas and has mastered the powers they both use, but he's not one of those jackass kids that's out there to be better than everyone else. Unfortunately, I can't say the same for a certain blue bird we all know and (hate to) love.

He's just like a normal child though, minus the PSI powers. Eats tons of junk food, stays up late, tends to get in trouble a lot. Sometimes I'm afraid of what the hell he's doing at night when I hear a loud bang. I told Master Hand that he shouldn't have let and him and Toony share a room.

Ness loves hats. Especially baseball caps. He will love you forever if you even let him borrow one. Which is why I'm his (secret) favorite adult in this mansion. I let him wear my black hat because he lost his purple one once... Hasn't stopped thanking me ever since. Peach bought him like fifty hats for Christmas one year, and he wore every single one of them.

At the same time. Poor kid was trying as hard as Fran to keep his head up...

Ness loves to have fun, especially in the snow. It gives him a reason to wear the hat Nana and Popo got him when they first got here. I remember he dragged me out of bed one early morning just to play with him. Let's just say he's lucky he's a kid, or my lover would have beat his ass for taking me, the human heater, away.

Carnivals, amusement parks, and even our annual field day excite the kid. He has so much energy even after a brawl, whereas every adult Smasher is practically dying and wanting to sleep. Luckily for him, Crazy always has energy.

Speaking of Crazy, he and Ness got into a spot of trouble recently. Long story short, the consequence for Ness was that he can't wear a hat for a week, and Crazy's punishment is too cruel for me to say. But I will anyway.

No sugar for three weeks.

Now that... That made him cry. Ness didn't cry over his punishment, but that damn left hand was sobbing. Ness is just lucky he's still allowed to play baseball-

Baseball! Another sport that little rascal enjoys! He's great at it too! Each year, on his birthday, we all get together and play a nice, hearty game of baseball. He's one captain, and for the past four years Snake has been the other captain. I tell you, those two really know how to pick out a team that can work together and not ruin the game with constant bickering.

All in all, he's a great kid. I love him, everyone else loves him, and he loves us all back as well.

Psst... Around April Fool's Day, if you want to prevent getting pranked, I suggest you buy him a hat...

* * *

Next is Toony!


	5. Toony

Toon Link.

Usually known as Toony.

Hero of Hyrule in his land, his era.

The biggest pain in my ass!

And that's a shocker compared to who my partner is.

No, this little demon is the worst out of everyone. And he's got a sharp tongue!

I love him though, despite all of the mean, immature, and childish things he does. It wasn't exactly a shocker meeting him because Young Link was here before, but at the same time it was.

His eyes are huge. Bigger than mine, and I've got some pretty large eyes. They make his expressions ever the more funnier and cuter. But don't let that face fool you! Looks can deceive you, and they surely will with this kid.

He's a great kid though. Well, when you take away the idiocy, pranks, and the fact that he still gets Peach to help him tie all of the ties on his tunic each morning. At least she doesn't mind, that woman loves giving help, especially to children. That's when her maternity instincts shine best.

He sort of a ladies man as well. It's kind of hard when there are only four women total here, and one isn't even fully grown. He's always got Nana or Zelda by his side, and I happen to know he's got a crush on Nana. I honestly cannot wait for the drama that unfolds when Popo finds out... Will be much better than any Bad Girls Club episode ever!

Now, Toony doesn't exactly "shine bright" in academics. Yes, he's clearly capable of solving all of the puzzles on his journey or he wouldn't be here, but I think he's on the verge of dyslexia and possibly even dyscalculia. He's always had trouble with reading basic things such as "Diary Of A Wimpy Kid".

Math is also a tough subject for him, way more than any other person. He does the simple stuff for kindergarteners and first graders flawlessly, but anything above that it too hard. He mixes up numbers somehow, and also confused the signs. Thankfully I've convinced Snake to help him out. It took a while, and a lot of things I didn't want to do, but I was desperate.

He's excellent at fighting though. He's a lot quicker than most of us, he jumps pretty high, and his moves are slightly different from mine. Honestly, I'm kind of hurt he's better than me. On a bad day, all I can do is sulk because he's what I want to be.

Yeah, I said it. I'm jealous of the little squirt. Why wouldn't I be? Yeah I'm stronger, but I'm also heavier. Sure I was here first, but I'm obviously not the last...

Eh, whatever. I just need to train harder is the solution to my problem.

Toony is an amazing kid that shares the love of hats with Ness. He's a bright kid in his own way. He's very silly and manages to pull Roy and sometimes even my knucklehead lover into his shenanigans. But he's not the kid to pick on, because he will get you back; either it be by his blade or his tongue, you'll regret it.

* * *

I don't know who to do next. :/


	6. Ice Climbers

The Ice Climbers.

Also known as Nana and Popo.

The most adorable duo I've ever seen!

Goddesses they are so cute! They make an excellent team. I guess you have to be to climb mountains as high as they have. They finish each other sentences half of the time and they are always right next to each other.

Buuuut, that doesn't mean they don't get it fights. Just like a certain jackass that I love very much, we're very close and we still argue.

I believe the last fight they had was the stupidest yet. Which makes since, considering they're now maturing. Like I said before, can't wait for Popo to find out about Toony's crush. Drama will unfold, horomones will be fucked up, and popcorn will be passed around.

It brings a tear to my eye, seeing them grow up. They've just grown so fast. All of the children actually, especially Ness. I've known him for so long it's heartbreaking. But Nana and Popo?

It's killing meee! What if they get married?! And have little ice climbing kids?!

Okay Link, calm down. They're still young. But don't lose that glimmer of hope!

Nana is the sweetest little girl you'll ever find. She's adorable, helpful, kind, and respectful, something people like Snake look for in a child. Peach is teaching her ballet and ballroom dancing, along with training her in the art of walking in heels. Zelda has been teaching her proper etiquette. While Samus has the most fun job ever.

Teaching her how to fight on her own. Samus isn't one to think that men are more superior to women, so she believes it's her job to help Nana in her fighting skills. Nana has gotten taller in the past years so she can kick as high as Samus... Theoretically anyway. Samus is one tall woman. Nana reaches her hips, and I reach her shoulders.

But yeah, Samus loves teaching Nana knew fighting skills. She can't do much to help with her mallet, but everything else she's covered. Hopefully Toony will let me help him perfect a few moves of his, not that he needs it the little bastard...

Popo is such a typical young boy. Silly, cocky, loveable. He's as clumsy as Lucas when running around the mansion, thinks he can beat anyone in a brawl, only for him to be proven wrong each time and make it a life goal to beat them, and is totally adorable when tired.

He's got such a cute yawn. Snake, Zelda, Ike, Peach, and myself put the kids to bed. I take Popo every other night, and Snake takes Nana. We alternate children, and I simply love tucking Popo in. Carrying him upstairs isn't difficult, unlike Toony (bless Zelda's heart for tucking him in!), because he's very light.

He usually falls asleep the moment I get the covers over his body. Soon I won't be able to tuck them in bed anymore... Damn their aging!

The Ice Climbers are magnificent kids. A wonderful team, tough opponents, and pretty average kids. I love them very much, and I swear when they hit puberty I'm driving my blade right through my-

Oh, what am I saying?! I'll miss an excellent real-life soap opera!

* * *

Next is Marth!


	7. Marth

# Thoughts Of A Hero #  
Jesus Christ! At the moment, this story has twenty reviews already! It took me to nearly finish some other chapter fics I've done to reach this much! Thank you all, and I hope you enjoy!

Also, I got a death threat to do Ike... I was doing him before Snake, who will be last, but I may just change my mind.

zZz

Marth.

Prince of Altea. "Dignified, mature, respected man of honor".

I call bullshit.

Marth used to be a great friend, but now? He's a thirsty hoe! Desperate for a man to love him. He had a man, Roy, but he dumped him when Ike got here.

Only thing is, Ike didn't want him.

Not one bit.

No feelings for him whatsoever.

And you can bet Roy and I shared a hearty laugh over it. Marth actually tried to get Roy back, but he is a smart man. To this day Roy refuses to be near Marth because he doesn't want to get infected with "Hoe's Disease" he likes to call it.

He's not very humorous, nor is he likeable anymore. But that's the newer Marth. I wanna talk about the old Marth.

The one I miss.

The nice, sweet, loyal man he used to be.

Goddesses, he used to be such a great person! Helpful, always had kind words, and wasn't a straight up prick.

I remember when I needed to get laid (Don't judge! Hero's like me need action too!) and he helped me with that problem. Unfortunately for Sheik, Impa found out and has increased the training level to intense... Pray for Sheik. Please. I forsee death in the future...

I remember when Zelda and her partner broke up, which only lasted two days before they realized they really do need each other, and she was feeling worthless. I was too busy with her at the time ex , so Marth stepped in and handled it. He convinced her that she was beautiful and that her partner was delusional for breaking things off. Not one mean thing was spoken from his mouth, unlike now where he would've told her to move on and get the hell over it. Fucking prick...

He's excellent on the battlefield. Just... Just wow. To this day I admire his skills. No matter how disgusting his personality has become, I cannot deny that he an amazing fighter. Quick, maneuverable, and plays mind games with Dancing Blade. Simply amazing. Of course, his blade is half of the reason, same as mine. But the Master Sword is no Falchion. Marth's sword hits harder and hurts more at the very tip, whereas mine will hurt damage at any part of it, especially the hilt.

He's still respectable though. I understand he made a mistake with Roy, but honestly, they seem to be better off without one another. Roy doesn't have to hold back his silliness and immaturity, whereas Marth doesn't have to hold back being a priss.

With all the mean things I've said, I still love him. I have to. It's unconditional. He's the first person I really, truly connected with. Samus and I are super close and were before Marth arrived, but once that damn prince got here I learned the meaning of friendship and a close bond.

Enough babbling, I sound like I have a mad crush on him. I do have bitter thoughts for him, but I don't know what he's going through. I've heard that back at his home his wife-for-show, they never wanted to be wed, was having trouble controlling the kingdom lately. Maybe I should go talk to him and see how he's doing...

zZz

Next is Pit! 


	8. Pit

Pit!

An awesome guy. A sense of humor so crude you wonder how the hell he's an angel.

He's a great friend, but Snake doesn't like him. He says I adore him too much and that he'll do bad things to me... Crock of shit. FUCK THE HATERS, PIT!

Na, Snake's just jealous he's not as cute as Pit. His eyes are as big as mine, his hair is the perfect chocolate that Snake's hair wishes it could be, and he's got wings.

Fucking. Wings.

To fly with. Not to eat, though Ike wishes. He's in love with chicken!

But his ability to fly is extremely annoying in battles. I'm not as good as I once was (But I'll make a comeback, dammit!) so I can't really do anything to get him. He's too fast for me to point my arrows at most of time but I, being a master archer, manage to time it just right.

But he has arrows too. They fire much quicker than mine, which is annoying when he's in the mood to bug us all. But fortunately, Samus when she's in Zero Suit form, Snake, Diddy Kong, Luigi, Sheik, Pikachu, Squirtle, and a few more I'm probably forgetting can duck under and crawl to him. And Toony and I can use our shields to block them, but that's not always available since we're moving to get that damn angel!

He's a great friend. He helped me bake Christmas desserts last year because it was my turn and my jackass partner wouldn't help me. We baked for about nine hours straight, and when we were done we were covered in a bunch of baking powder, salt, buttercream icing and just about every white cooking thing known to man, and let me tell you, when my lover saw us he almost had an aneurysm!

He says he's single, but I think he and Marth may have a little something something going on. The prince is much kinder to him than us...

Well, I hope he knows what he's in for, considering Marth's theme song is "Hard to Handle".

I love Pit, the annoying sweetheart! And I am not ashamed to admit I had a small crush on him when he got here!

_Hey!_

What the hell are you doing here? Go away Snake, these are _my_ thoughts! This isn't _Thoughts of A Hero_ for laughs! This is serious shit!

_So you're saying I'm not a hero?_

No! You are a hero, I just-

_I'm no hero._

In your eyes you're not, but in my eyes you are. Go away.

_Kay._

Sorry bout that. He's so emotional...


	9. Samus

Samus.

Ah, the amazing Samus Aran.

The one I wish people would ship we with over Zelda.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not in love with Samus or anything like that, but I'd much rather date her than Zelda.

"What?! Link doesn't like Zelda? But he's supposed to, why did he save her, huhhhhhh?!"

Yeah, I get it. Just because I save her doesn't mean anything. She happened to be the princess, and I just so happen to be the hero.

Amway, Samus is my preferred choice. She's much more laid back, funny, smart, and tells me stories about her home. Don't take all this the wrong way though! Samus is deadly and will not hesitate to hurt you if you mess with her.

She's a pretty tall woman... Six foot three without the armor to be exact. Sure it makes me look short, but that's what I am. It can get annoying in brawls though when a Smash Ball is out and she can reach it before me, but that doesn't mean it always hits! I love my Clawshot...

Samus is a tough competitor in battle. Honestly, I almost feel sorry for Ridley. He gets constant beatdowns from her, but he totally deserves each and every one of them. Killing her parents when she was only three years old right in front of her face, and then trying to kill her when she, being clouded in her childish innocence, just wanted to befriend you is not cool!

But yeah, since Crazy invented Smash Balls... Let's just say I love teams when she's my partner, but any other time it sucks ass. When in Zero Suit form, and me lacking lately, Samus nearly always beats me. Don't get me wrong, she's not unbeatable or anything like that, just really, really hard to beat. Those suit pieces only tend to make things worse too, especially because she can glide toss and I can't...

She's a joy to hang around. If she likes you, that is. Since the very beginning she and I have been on good terms, and do you want to know how long it took to get her to like me? An hour at best. I asked her about it once, and she said because I was innocent, nice, caring, and there was this weird aura about me that she liked.

I asked Lucario about my aura one day, and he said-

_Hey blondie, this is about me, remember?_

You know Sam, your hair is as golden as mine...

_Shut up and keep saying good things about me._

You know, these intruders are annoying... Anyway, I'll explain about Lucario later.

Anyway, she decided she liked me and became my friend. She showed me all the different things about her suit and I was so amazed. I don't know how she works it, but I wish I did. Missiles, beams, lasers, a grapple bean... What doesn't this thing have to kill people?

Samus is a beautiful woman. Her heart-shaped face is perfect for how she does her hair with the ponytail and side bangs. She only wears mascara for makeup, and I personally don't think she needs it. None of the women do. She has the perfect, ideal body that I know Zelda and Peach envy, but I've no clue why considering they are all thin and beautiful. Though her Zero Suit really leaves nothing to the imagination, she is no whore or anything like that.

Well, that's that. I really don't know what else to say about her. She's scary, funny, stupid-smart, gorgeous, mean, nice, tough to beat, a jackass, a trickster...

She's a handful, I'll give you that.


	10. Sheik

# Thoughts Of A Hero #  
Sheik.

"Dignified, mature, quiet."

Hold on, let me just die of laughter and be resurrected.

*proceeds to do what I just said I'd do*

Whatever you may have heard about this man, if it follows the lines of those words in the quotations, they are lies! Or referring to Sheik's ancestor, who was supposedly the "last Sheikah".

This Sheik is a giant goof! Always making jokes, laughing, sometimes it even involves dragging Kirby and Toony into something that ends up with Meta Knight hot on their tails...

But I honestly wouldn't have him any other way. He's still a great person to have and be around, but sometimes he goes a little too far...

Namely when I'm his target for pranks. But for anyone else it's fine with me!

He's not smaller than me, but he's smaller than Ike or Snake. Possibly the only guy around here besides Pit and me that isn't freakishly tall...

For a dude though, he is quite flexible. He's so... Majestic when he moves. I watched him train one day and I put him in slow motion and I was captivated. Like, in awe! Flips, kicks, jumps... Even when he flipped me the bird when I laughed at his many trips! It's quite interesting to see, I suggest you give it a try!

Don't anger him though! Ever! Unless you're out to die, then by all means please piss him off! (Not literally. Suicide is bad, kids!) This man is so silly, yet so hot-headef! Even more so than Roy, and his head is literally hot!

(So what, I like his face! Fuckoffhatersit'sthetruthIMO!)

But yeah, I remember when Tabuu took over and everyone literally just forgot who everyone was and Fox was shooting at the Halberd and Peach just so happened to be having Ike of her rather questionable moments, what with walking along like literally nothing is going on. (Seriously, Peach? What the hell were you thinking?)

Anyway, Sheik took it the wrong way and with the combination of A jump and a Deku Nut he was up on that Arwing and, this part always tickles me, scares the living hell out of Fox! Tell me, how would you feel to see this:

*looks dumb while trying to mimic Sheik getting ready to punch through glass*

He then proceeded to pull Fox out and they planned on a fight, but then Peach stopped them for some tea, to which Sheik immediately calmed down with.

Let's play a trivia game!

Question one:

How do you make a Sheikah happy?

*que Jeopardy music*

Time's up!

The answer:

Make that bitch tea!

Yeah, yeah, I know. "Bitch means woman!" But really, if tea calms you down from a rage like that, it makes you a total bitch. Even Sheik.

Sheik is a great fighter, and really quite intimidating. Sure he shares with Zelda, but he felt that, as her body guard, he was responsible for her even in the battles here, so that's why they work as an almost team.

But really, wouldn't you feel scared to see a man with a knife on his back, one red eye looking at you because he just feels the need to be emo or something(I dunno.)and then he pulls a string and like five needles out and you're like woah holy shit dude and-

Uh... Um... Uh... I'd imagine that would be how you felt. I-I wouldn't know, yanno?


End file.
